Actually not a friend...just someone who was once very important in my life...my old debate coach from high school. We had a very love/hate relationship and he was my first teacher crush!
But as I contemplate a thesis topic for my upcoming last year of school, I keep remembering an old debate topic that made so much sense to me then and I think I am going to reuse it. So it got me thinking about him and since he relocated to Texas after I graduated and since he had to be very much older than me I thought maybe he'd be retired or dead. But he's not...alive and well (and how can he NOT have a facebook page and I can find NO pics of him) so I dashed off an e-mail to see if it is him.
Vicious headache tonight and I'm not sure what is going on, but I do feel sometimes like my body is slowly betraying me. It pisses me off when I think I can do something, attempt it with all good faith and then realize I'm not physically capable (or if I am, I suffer hugely after finishing).
It got worse since a few years ago when I lost part of my left leg to MRSA. It left debilitating pain (which I choose to leave untreated) and an awkward gait, but you do learn to live with such things.
The worse part of that whole experience was the drug induced coma I was in for 6 weeks. The hallucinations were horrific and I have to wonder if I am alone in having suffered through them? I couldn't even watch TV for a long time afterwards if there were any scenes of pain or mayhem on any one's part. They still are so vivid almost 2 years later.
But I digress...I sent off an e-mail to my ex-coach to see if it is him...just waiting for a return and maybe a reuniting of old acquaintances.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Just Tank and I chillin'
I find I do like the late nights...just my cat Tank (he is rocking a lion cut!) and my kindle. Amazing how safe I feel when no one else is around, and it's not like I have anything to fear, but there it is--safety in aloneness!
I'm reading Lou Cannon's "Official Negligence" about the LA riots after the Rodney King trial. What an incredible time for the U.S. You would think that after the civil rights movement, racial tension would be minimized, but in fact it is still brewing just below the surface of this seeming quiet...even now in 2011. Couple that with the growing outcry of LGBT people wanting some acceptance and rights and the mix grows even more turbulent. Maybe it's something we can never fix. Someone will always be subjugated by someone else.
It calls to mind that movie "Gattaca" with Ethan Hawke and Jude Law. The future in that movie certainly saw every racial and ethnic prejudice defeated, only to be replaced with genetic prejudice..deGENEerates..I did love that word when they used it. I suppose it is a zero sum game, with the rise of one part of the population necessitating the decline of another.
I need to find something to do this summer...a reason to get up every morning. Maybe volunteer somewhere, give something back instead of just talking about it.
I'm reading Lou Cannon's "Official Negligence" about the LA riots after the Rodney King trial. What an incredible time for the U.S. You would think that after the civil rights movement, racial tension would be minimized, but in fact it is still brewing just below the surface of this seeming quiet...even now in 2011. Couple that with the growing outcry of LGBT people wanting some acceptance and rights and the mix grows even more turbulent. Maybe it's something we can never fix. Someone will always be subjugated by someone else.
It calls to mind that movie "Gattaca" with Ethan Hawke and Jude Law. The future in that movie certainly saw every racial and ethnic prejudice defeated, only to be replaced with genetic prejudice..deGENEerates..I did love that word when they used it. I suppose it is a zero sum game, with the rise of one part of the population necessitating the decline of another.
I need to find something to do this summer...a reason to get up every morning. Maybe volunteer somewhere, give something back instead of just talking about it.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Late at night, or is it very early in the morning?
Back in college at the age of 50. I sit in class with barely twenty somethings...all so eager and bright and beautiful. I envy them their youth and I envy them their future. I screwed mine up years ago and at this late stage in my life I'm still trying to make amends to myself for never doing what I wanted to when I was that newly minted college graduate at 22.
All water under the bridge. I'm here and just finished up the spring semester at a private college in St. Louis. Just found out I made the Dean's List (yay, me!) I'm off for the summer and since I don't work (just barely financially solvent enough to be able to not work and attend school full time, and take the summer off) I find myself vaguely unsettled.
I don't want to waste this time and I know there is so much I could (or should) be doing, but the inertia has me caught big time. Maybe it's a depression of sorts. I have already registered for what should be my next to last semester before graduation with a History degree and I will pursue a Masters after that, BUT...damn, I will be 54 or 55 years old by then and will anybody hire some bedraggled old woman who was only a professional student for several years?
I have to stop looking at the future, and I DEFINITELY have to stop looking at the past, which only leaves this moment....and I can't decide if it's really late or really early.
All water under the bridge. I'm here and just finished up the spring semester at a private college in St. Louis. Just found out I made the Dean's List (yay, me!) I'm off for the summer and since I don't work (just barely financially solvent enough to be able to not work and attend school full time, and take the summer off) I find myself vaguely unsettled.
I don't want to waste this time and I know there is so much I could (or should) be doing, but the inertia has me caught big time. Maybe it's a depression of sorts. I have already registered for what should be my next to last semester before graduation with a History degree and I will pursue a Masters after that, BUT...damn, I will be 54 or 55 years old by then and will anybody hire some bedraggled old woman who was only a professional student for several years?
I have to stop looking at the future, and I DEFINITELY have to stop looking at the past, which only leaves this moment....and I can't decide if it's really late or really early.
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