Back in college at the age of 50. I sit in class with barely twenty somethings...all so eager and bright and beautiful. I envy them their youth and I envy them their future. I screwed mine up years ago and at this late stage in my life I'm still trying to make amends to myself for never doing what I wanted to when I was that newly minted college graduate at 22.
All water under the bridge. I'm here and just finished up the spring semester at a private college in St. Louis. Just found out I made the Dean's List (yay, me!) I'm off for the summer and since I don't work (just barely financially solvent enough to be able to not work and attend school full time, and take the summer off) I find myself vaguely unsettled.
I don't want to waste this time and I know there is so much I could (or should) be doing, but the inertia has me caught big time. Maybe it's a depression of sorts. I have already registered for what should be my next to last semester before graduation with a History degree and I will pursue a Masters after that, BUT...damn, I will be 54 or 55 years old by then and will anybody hire some bedraggled old woman who was only a professional student for several years?
I have to stop looking at the future, and I DEFINITELY have to stop looking at the past, which only leaves this moment....and I can't decide if it's really late or really early.
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